It’s not easy.

It’s 4:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep.  I keep thinking, “And women CHOOSE to do this more than once?  Seriously?”  And then I get sad because I don’t think I can possibly do this again.  I’m not strong enough, not optimistic enough and I just might go crazy if I don’t get my old self back again soon.

I can’t sleep on either side, sitting up or on the floor.  I’ve tried it all.  I can’t breathe.  I can’t eat enough and generally feel like crap . . . and I still have about 7 more weeks to go.  I’m miserable.  

While I’m thankful for the life growing inside me, it’s just not easy.  It’s not easy watching your body turn into a pumpkin, your attitude morph into something like that of the Incredible Hulk.  So, as I sit here in the pitch dark, trying not to wake my husband who is asleep on the couch – who can blame him for not coming to bed with a crazy woman? – I do my best to think of the positive, to watch the time tick away and focus on the miracle of new life kicking inside me.